The short answer is no. It only counts as blasphemy if you start deliberately swearing at the spirits you summon. Now this is the trap folks! The spirits will do their utmost to tempt you into reacting in an unholy way. They’ll turn the lights on and off, they?ll tug on your underwear, swear at you in all sorts of dead languages and may even try to possess you!

You must their inane attempts to provoke a response. If you feel as if you’re about to lose your temper, stand up and urinate on the board! The scene of fresh urine will drive the demons home to mama!

At times it will prove impossible to resist provocation. In such instances feel free to take a dump on the ouija board. If this isn’t enough, finish them off with a jet of urine and then take the board outside and burn it.

If this happens to you in 3 consecutive seances, stop using the board immediately and pray to God for advice on how to best handle the spirits. Your answer will come in a lucid dream, where you’ll be sitting with Jesus in a strip club sipping sambuca slammers. He will advise you towards the best plan of action against the demons. If you ask Him nicely he might even join you for a seance! Be sure to prepare some nachos with salsa dip for his arrival, otherwise he’ll be mightily pissed off, summoning all of the demons from Hell into your head as punishment.

Be warned that once the demons are in your head, there’s no way back.

Categories: FAQ

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