• Donate it to your local Church. It won’t be long before they have it in a bonfire!
  • It’s rumored that you can “clear” an ouija board by vomiting over it 7 times. Once you’ve finished with it you are then safe to put it into your neighbor’s mail-box.
  • Dogs make light work of Ouija boards. Just embalm the board with Beef Jerky, feed it to your dog and it’ll be immediately torn asunder.
  • Why not mail it your local MP with a note reading? The ouija told me to declare my love for you. It said that you like to brush your ass at night with your toothbrush. I love everything about you.?
  • Remember, throwing an Ouija down a well will never work. Satan?s caught onto this trick and can magically summon his demons to fetch it and instantly put it back into your house.
  • Try selling your Ouija over eBay! But please, if your board contains the spirit of your dead grandmother who insists on appearing nude at the most inappropriate times, make this known in the listing.
  • Praying to God works too. The problem is God’s extremely busy these days removing Ouija Boards from homes so you can expect a wait of up to 28 days before it’s removed.
  • Never ever attempt to flush your board down the toilet unless you want to have to answer some pretty difficult questions from your plumber.
  • Eating the Ouija is an effective but extremely gross way of destroying it. Make sure that you burn your crap for the next fortnight to ensure you’ve eliminated all of the demons.
  • If you decide to burn the board, please do it outside on your own property. Burning it indoors is extremely dangerous since demons can exist for eternity inside smoke. The greatest risk is trapping them inside your electrical appliances, rendering them useless and evil.
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