Ouija Board Dangers - Seance’s Can Be Evil

Written by Ouija on September 14th, 2007

Whilst playing the Ouija Board it’s important to be aware of some of the dangers of the game. Bare in mind that most of these will be self evident, I do realize however that some people need things spelled out to them.

  • Be careful when using candles during the seance, especially if you’re intoxicated and hellbent on pissing off the demons. You don’t want to burn your house to the ground.
  • Ouija sessions are infamous for the typical ‘who the hell is moving that’ accusations which can eventually lead to fist-fights, death threats and/or attempted murder.
  • If you’re playing Ouija with anyone of a nervous disposition ensure that they have their medicine at hand in case things get spooky. If this isn’t a case you might want to make use of your stun gun.
  • Playing the Ouija as a kid in a devoutly Christian household is just asking for trouble. If you’re caught you’ll most likely be brought in front of your church congregation and beaten half to death with a cricket bat.
  • Sometimes it’s best to conduct the seance in a diaper, it’s really hard to remove crap stains from your pants after all.
  • Never try to contact recently deceased relatives with the board. You run the risk of really pissing them off. After all, they’ve spent the last few days carting their wares across to the other side and haven’t had a minute to themselves. You’d be exhausted if you were them!
  • No more than one person should urinate on the Ouija board at one time otherwise you risk incurring God’s wrath.
  • Never use a glass as the planchette if you’re in the room with the criminally insane as they’ll inevitably try to break it over their own or someone’s head if thing’s go wrong.

3 Responses to “Ouija Board Dangers - Seance’s Can Be Evil”

  1. misty Says:

    this is the funniest shit i’ve ever read in my life.
    you need to put more.

  2. simon Says:

    i look down and there was a spirit wankin me off i was in a right horn no one else could see it so the spirit sucked my ginger balls dry!! ohhh ya peseant boy

  3. Dan Says:

    < a href = “http://google.com/?p=46&lol= appear@vonneguts.hartweger”>.< / a >…

    áëàãîäàðñòâóþ….

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