Never ask the Ouija Board these questions

Who would win in a girly fist-fight, Christ or Satan?
Could you make yourself known by burning down my entire block?
Is it righteous to fart on the unconscious? What would Satan say?
Am I going to hell for deliberately farting during funeral services?
Why the hell is my mother so hairy? Could you please tell her to shave? She’s beginning to scare the neighbours?
Why does my butt bleed when I try to take a crap?
Why is life completely devoid of meaning?
Could you please show me pictures of Dick Cheney butt-naked? Please etch these images into my mind’s eye for all eternity!
Satan, would you like to come to bed with me?
When I die could you please tell my family that I hate them all and that I’m glad to be rid of them?
When exactly is the world going to end? Will I be sent to hell if I’m caught pleasuring myself the moment all hell breaks loose?
Could you please provide me with a list of all of the ex-presidents Satan has slept with?
Is Satan really that gay? If so, is this the reason God hates gayness so much?
I want to die right now, is it possible you could send the Grim Reaper to my door ASAP?
Could you give (person A) a pecker sore on behalf of the Westboro Baptist Church?

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